In the midst of choosing a color scheme, booking the church, choosing a dress and oohing and ahhing over every teensy tiny wedding detail I thought it was important to spend an equal amount of time focusing on the actual marriage. Afterall, A Wedding is a Day, A Marriage is a Lifetime (I totally stole that from the Engaged Encounter).
So I’ve been spending some time finding books that are relevant to relationships and the first on my list was The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Committment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. This book was recommended by a couple of my friends and even a few who had studied psychology. I’m not ashamed of the self-help genre and I thought I would give this book a try.
Just to clarify – I am still gloriously in love with Travis and besides the normal squabbles we have over things like dishes, laundry, and taking the dog out, we have a pretty amazing relationship. But I think marriage is a relationship that requires you to be present and it should be treated with some preventative maintenance (I’m the daughter of an engineer so forgive random phrases like preventative maintenance). Why not put the time in now to learn more about marriage and healthy relationships rather than putting in the time later when you are knee deep in misery and can’t remember what that in love feeling felt like?
The idea of the book is that every person expresses and feels love in a different way. These are broken down in to Five Love Languages – Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Services, and Physical Touch.
Each language is described in detail and the author gives examples of couples who have had problems in their marriage and overcome them by exploring their spouse’s love language.
What I like about this book is that it provides advice that is easy to start implementing right away. Once I started reading the book it was easy to identify my love language. They weren’t a big surprise to me. My primary language is Words of Affirmation and my secondary language is tied between Quality Time and Physical Touch.
The book is an easy read and there is even a quiz to help you determine what your love language is. The great thing about this book is that it applies to more than just married couples. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in learning more about how to communicate love to the people in your life.
You can check out the author’s site here – http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/