Monthly Archives: May 2012

Why I Won’t be Watching What to Expect…

In an entertainment article that came out on today, Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz share their thoughts on child birth. The best way I can describe my feelings after reading the little entertaining piece is: pissed.

Jennifer is a mother. Cameron is not. They both give descriptions of birth that sound down right horrific. The way they make it sound no matter if you have a C-Section or Vaginal Birth it’s all messy and gross and scary. Cameron goes as far as to say,

Cameron Diaz: “I was looking at it like, ‘Oh, my God!’ But the vaginal delivery was crazy — no man should ever see it! Never let a man see that. Never.”

Really Cameron? You’re going to put that out there when the only experience you have in the delivery room is watching a birth happen. Let me share a little something with you, sister:

Vaginal birth is natural and no one is forcing your husband/partner/boyfriend down to that end of the bed, but a lot of them end up down there and most of them go on to live  life with a new respect for their wife and the same desire for them that they’ve always had. Giving birth vaginally can be scary and slightly gross and like nothing that you’ve ever experienced, but it is also absolutely beautiful and empowering and truly a miracle.Yo Cameron! You witnessed a life come into this world and your only takeaway was this?

I don’t care if you’ve had a C-Section. I really don’t. But if you’re like J. Lo and you react to it by saying this:

Jennifer Lopez: “I had a C-section, but my sister gave birth six months later — we got pregnant around the same time — and she asked me to be in the delivery room with her, and I was, like, ‘Wow!’ Because I had twins and that was recommended for me to have a C-section, and there was a part of me [that] had thought, ‘I didn’t get to do it the way that everybody else does.’ But when I saw my sister pushing that baby out, I was like, ‘Maybe this was all right! Maybe this was a better out.’ So that was an experience.”

A better out? I’m not really sure how to take that. A better out of having to deliver your children? A better out is having a C-Section? A better way of getting your children out? I’m not really sure.

I totally understand that birth experiences vary from woman to woman and I also totally understand that these two actresses are not doctors or midwives and that they are trying to sell a movie based on a book. A book I chose not to read while pregnant. I just hate that birth continues to be shown by our media as something gross, nasty and painful. I hate that more women don’t get to experience the absolute awe of working so hard to push your baby out and the overwhelming feeling of empowerment after giving birth. More than anything I hate that women who read this article will fear doing something that their body is meant to do or  if a C-Section is necessary they will be left with the images that Jennifer and Cameron discuss so graphically.



You would have to be living under a rock or here to miss the Mother’s Day Time Magazine cover asking, “Are You Mom Enough?” The backlash of that article is presenting itself as a number of well thought out articles by intelligent, educated, anti-Mommy Wars writers. I’ll save my commentary on the Mommy Wars for another time, but I want to share an article that was posted by a Facebook friend of mine that really made me think about motherhood in an entirely new way.

The Only Mommy War Worth Waging

In the article, author Kristen Howerton calls out the absolute nonsense of the Mommy Wars and focuses on child welfare, foster care and adoption.

She writes:

“I don’t much care if you breastfed your kid until they started kindergarten or if you fed them formula from day one. I don’t really care if you turned your infant car seat forward-facing prior to age 2, or if you homeschool, or if you send your kids to daycare while you go to work. Do you cosleep? Did you circumcise your son? I DON’T CARE. Do you “babywear”? Push your kid around in a stroller? Use a leash for your kid at Disneyland? Whatever. Good for you.

When it comes to issues of motherhood, there is one issue I care about: some kids don’t have one. All of these petty wars about the choices of capable, loving mothers is just a lot of white noise to me, Quite honestly, I’m often astonished at the non-essential parenting issues I see moms getting upset about. Particularly when there are so many kids in this world not being parented at all.”

So wow. That hit me like a rock in the gut. Because wow and whoa and ouch and ohmygodtherearekidsinhorriblesituations.

My husband and I had only discussed adoption once or twice before getting pregnant, but only in the context of having that option if we were not able to conceive. This article planted a seed in me where I started thinking in a completely different context. More like “I am so absurdly blessed and we are exactly the type of people who could provide for an adopted child.” More like “I had no idea there are so many children who need homes in our country.” And finally, “Holy Crap our foster system is THAT screwed up!”

I still don’t know if adoption is something we will choose in the future. There is so much more I need to learn and so many things my husband and I must discuss. All I can say is that after reading that article my thoughts on adoption have changed dramatically.

I would love to hear from anyone who has adopted or is adopted.

Tagged , , ,

This Morning at Daycare…

I’m kind of amazed how every morning at daycare is a little different. The basic routine stays the same, but every day I get a little anecdote that I carry with me for the rest of the day. Sometimes it’s things like how my son is now “tackling” the other children or how so and so’s mom brought Kale chips because apparently KALE is the new wonder food. Or how the new kid’s name is Valentino and he’s from South Africa, thus the name Valentino seems slightly more normal. Are you entertained yet? Because these little tid-bits help me through the monotony of cubical life.

This morning was a little special though…

I arrived promptly at 7. I’m proud of this because it meant that I had a shot at being almost on time to work. I bring Henry into his classroom and it turns out we are the first ones there. As in, the very first. There is no teacher in sight.

Henry and I start playing and soon a few more parents stroll in. Still, no teacher. All of us parent folk start feeding our kids breakfast and then Florence walks in.

Florence is a little bit of an anomaly at daycare. She’s probably in her 70’s and she has a habit of reintroducing herself to you many, many times. She’s what the daycare industry calls a “floater.” But not in the gross way! Like she fills in wherever she is needed.

I mean, come on guys. Grow up already!

Florence walks into the classroom and promptly announces, “Hello everyone! I’m Florence!”

Now every parent in the room has met Florence before. She’s cared for all of our children in some capacity since they were small, itty bitty infants. But every time, cue Foreigner in the background – Feels Like the First Time!

Then one of the parents asks what day it is and Florence says, “It’s the 10th. I know that because me and my family are doing estate planning right now. You know, estate planning is very important. You should all consider doing that. And you can’t wait, you need to do it right away.”

Florence is from New York so imagine all of this in a New York accent. She went on and on. It was both educational and unexpected.You don’t expect to get financial planning advice in the Joey’s classroom. You know? I think this is what the business community would call an “added value.”

I quickly make my separation anxiety exit, which consists of throwing some food at my kid, yelling I love you and scooting out of the door. This is also Dose #1 of Mommy Guilt for the day.

At the front desk I wait to get a receipt so I can apply for that pesky flex spending. While I am waiting, a concerned father brings up the American flag that is flying outside.

“Did you know that the flag out front has a tear in it?”

Front desk: “Really? Because we just replaced it.”

“Yes, there is a tear and that is illegal. Unless the flag has seen combat. I doubt that flag has.”

Front desk: “We will look into it right away.”

I don’t have anything against Mr. Patriotic. In fact, I envy that he had time to even look at the flag. My morning routine consists of balancing my kid’s back pack while removing him from the car seat and hoping that neither of us get run over in the parking lot. I also try not to spill the open coffee mug that rests on my console. Then comes the moment where  I realize that I have not dressed my child appropriately for the weather. No coat? Pants, not shorts? Tevas with no socks? Dose #2 of Mommy Guilt coming at cha.

This morning, as I slid into my car, sipped my coffee and took off to work, I thought, “Wow – does everyone have these funny little daycare mornings?”