Fading Friendships

I opened my inbox the other day and saw an email from What to Expect with this subject line: Fading Friendships.

It was so timely. I saw two of my mommy friends last weekend and we sympathized with each other over friendships that seem to have taken a hiatus with the arrival of our little ones. Different priorities, lack of free time and lack of sleep have all contributed to a loss of friends that once were close to us.

I understand that friendships change. With or without babies involved, friendships change over time, but I’ve never experienced such a dramatic change during one period of my life.

The person who I would have called my best friend a year ago has never met my son.

The person who I was friends with, but not especially close to, was the first person there when we got home from the hospital with food and love and the desire to rock my baby while I took a second for myself. And, even after the home birth debacle, she listened enthusiastically without judgement to our birth story.

The friendship that I thought would suffer the most has grown stronger.

An acquaintance has become a confidant, a safe place for a good gut check and good laugh when I need it.


Motherhood can be a lonely place at times. It’s not a surprise that I now gravitate towards other moms. It’s not that I don’t want to continue to have relationships with my childless friends. It’s absolutely the opposite. I love them still, I cherish the memories that we’ve made together.

I find when I’m around my childless friends I censor myself from talking about my baby and all the things that come with that. Part of me thinks its a desperate attempt to make them think that I am the same person. “I’m still cool! I’m still interesting! I’m still a CAREER!” And part of me thinks it’s because they can’t possibly be interested in the mundane (but fabulous!) things about motherhood.

What to Expect tells me that this is normal. That such a dramatic change of lifestyle is destined to lead to changes in ALL of my relationships.

Perhaps, it’s no where near as prevalent as the change in my relationships with the women in my life.

Anybody else going through or been through this? Did these friendships ever become normal again?



One thought on “Fading Friendships

  1. rebellin says:

    Being 5 years into Motherhood, I now find that most of my friends have kids, and although we don’t hang out as much as we’d like, everyone understands the whole lack of time thing. I do have one friend that has distanced herself, as she wanted children very badly and couldn’t have them. I think my kids are just a reminder to her of what she doesn’t have. I try to be understanding about that, even though I miss her.

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