As with any good blog post, I think we should begin with a quote from Fergie (yes, as in Fergaliscious Fergie):

Now my destiny can begin
Though we will have our differences
Something strange and new is happening
Now my life doesn’t seem so bad
It’s the best that I’ve ever had
Give my love to him finally

No, this isn’t going to be a sappy post about how much I love Travis. Instead, it’s about this journey of weight loss that I have been on and how my breakthrough moment hasn’t come from dropping 50 pounds, but from coming to the realization that I might be ok just the way I am. Sure, my desire to be my senior year in high school size has not gone away, but I’m tired of this battle.

I am exhausted from agonizing over every bite I take. I’m tired of beating myself up if I don’t work out like mad.

I guess the breakthrough came a week or so ago after I saw my nutritionist. I had my metabolism tested and it turns out that I had not been eating enough. Apparently, on weight watchers I had been only getting about 1,500 calories a day and my metabolic test came back saying that I needed to eat about 2,500 calories a day to lose weight. This really blew my mind. I’ve had this testing done before and it always comes back high, but I’d always blown that off to the thyroid meds being off.

So I meet with Heidi (who is amazing BTW) and we talk about how I am going to start eating more to lose weight. I know what you are thinking – Boo-hoo, you have to eat more. How horrible.

Let me tell you something – it is harder than you might think.

But that is a different topic for another time. This isn’t about food. It is about self-realization.

Heidi and I are talking about health and fitness and she says to me, “I don’t think you need to lose weight. You are curvy and beautiful and I can see from the size of your wrist that God didn’t intend for you to be a small woman.”

I immediately went into some sort of diatribe where I tried convincing her that I do need to lose weight. Blah, blah, blah.

You know how I love Britney.

You know how I love Britney.

After I left her office the conversation stuck with me. All the years when I have told myself that I need to lose weight and have heard the constant drone of my family, the ex-boyfriend, a shitty doctor who told me to eat more yogurt, the thought never crossed my mind to call bullshit on these people.  I never challenged the idea – just put it into my mind that this was what is expected of me.

So now I sit at a crossroads, a place I’ve never been before. The wonderful world of health and fitness that isn’t related to the world of being_good_enough. What a wonderful place I find myself in at the ripe old age of 26.

The plan going forward is this: try and eat the 2,500 calories a day, work out because it is good for me and not because I feel forced to, and get to a weight where I am comfortable and happy and not a place where others think I should be. Sounds simple right?

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2 thoughts on “Finally

  1. Ruth says:

    WOW! Great post. I’m so glad that you have come to a realization that you are ok just the way you are! Enjoy eating those calories… I would think that would be a hard mental switch after so long of being told to not eat that much. Good luck with the weight loss

  2. jdurnan says:

    Thanks Ruth! Yes, it is a challenge now after years of feeling guilty over buying 1% milk or eating pizza. It is definitely a mind shift. Love your site BTW – great info and advice.

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